peace

"Lord give her peace about what you want her to do right now."
Or something to that effect.
She said 'amen' and I went to sit and quickly try to figure out whether or not I was going to give a quick testimony in front of a bunch of girls at my school. That's wasn't the tough part... I love talking in front of people. However, when it's something personal, things get a little tougher. On top of that, I was in a fragile state of mind, and I wasn't sure composure was something I could keep if i tried to get up and speak. The words, "give her peace" rang through my mind.

I prayed those words to myself, and all that came to mind was, well, what does peace feel like? Am I feeling peace right now?

Lets see--crazy butterflies going on, minor headache, visuals of worst-case-scenario going on in my head... I looked up. Lord, is this what peace is, because I imagined that it would be a little more--how should I put it--oh yes, peaceful.

Something else started going on inside though. There was this prodding, telling me that it'll be okay. More like a little nudge saying, go on, it's your turn. Know that this is what I want you to do, I've got your back. Don't be scared.

Oh crap, this is what peace feels like. God wants me to do this.

I'm still kind of new to the whole "give everything over to God and just listen and trust" thing, and so instead of listening and trusting, I got so scared that when the teacher looked over to me, about to announce that I would come up and give a quick testimony, I shook my head to shamefully tell her, "I can't." I don't think anyone saw that exchange, it seemed to be pretty smooth. I took a deep breath, and I knew as soon as I shook my head that I should-of could-of.

I thought back to the other times I gave my testimony, two of which were in front of hundreds of kids at a summer camp I worked at, and I tried to see if I remembered feeling at peace about it. I recalled feeling those same "peaceful" feelings before going up to speak. There was no recollection of me thinking, "Gee, I feel at peace right now," before giving my testimony. What I did realize was that afterwards God gave me little pieces of peace assuring me that what I did was what He asked of me. Pieces like a pat on the back from a friend or someone telling me that they needed to hear what I said that night. Even a feeling of calmness and, well, peace.

Peace comes in many forms. It's that feeling you get when you know what God is asking of you, even if it's something you don't really want to be doing. When God nudges you, saying, go on... I'm right behind you--knowing and trusting that God is right behind you--that's peace. Sometimes peace won't come until after you step out, and at those times, your peace beforehand is knowing that the peace will come.
Now take a look above at what peace is, and everywhere the word "know" appears, replace it with the word "believe."

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith [belief], we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 5:1

That, my friends, is peace.